I assume (and hope) that I’m not the only 20-something who feels this way. In fact I think I read an article about the “epidemic” of the stunted adolescent 20-something. The article described me to a T, and I wish I could find and reference it. No luck on Google just now. Anyway.
I did all the “right” things. I worked hard in high school, got accepted to a great university (Cornell- Go Big Red!), and graduated with honors and a job offer in hand. Life should be all rainbows and sunshine and happiness. But it’s not.
Now don’t get me wrong, I won’t sit here and whine “oh poor me, I went to an Ivy League school, I have a job, life is so hard” because I get it: I’m extremely lucky and fortunate to have what I have. Last year, I watched my 10 year-old cousin battle stage IV kidney cancer, and if that’s not a slap in the face to the reality of my blessings, I don’t know what is.
I’m not unhappy or ungrateful by any means, I’m just restless. In every aspect of my life I’ve always been reaching towards something. I’ve always had a goal in mind, something to work for. But now, I can’t figure out what to work for. I don’t have a goal. And the absence of a goal is disconcerting.
I guess I thought I’d be doing something bigger with my life. Something important. Something besides working in a cubicle from 8:30 to 5 everyday. I’m an environmental engineer, so you could argue that I’m saving the environment and contributing to society in a meaningful way (blah blah blah), but it sure doesn’t feel that way. It feels like a desk job. It feels like a cubicle. I want more.
Miscellaneous, erratic ideas of what I should be doing:
1. Go to grad school (incidentally, I plan to start at Tufts in the fall. What to do after I finish grad school, who knows)
2. Flip a house
3. Get my PhD and become a professor
4. Open a bakery
5. Start a blog (we shall see)
7. Run a half-marathon
8. Take a class (I decided to do this; I’m taking an Intro to Logic course, free online through Stanford)
9. Get my real estate license
Obviously, my list is all over the place. Do I continue with the engineering path I’ve been following and go all the way to become a professor? Do I do a 180, get my real estate license, and take a stab at flipping a house? Do I stay content in my current mediocre job and do something on the side, like train for a half-marathon or volunteer? WHAT DO I DO?
Indecisiveness is my curse.
So, to summarize. I guess I plan to write about my daily life on this blog, and see where it takes me.